ACTIVE LISTENING: THE KEY TO QUALITY COMMUNICATION AND BETTER UNDERSTANDING

Active listening is the art of hearing and fully engaging in a conversation to understand the speaker on a deep level. It is a process where the listener actively participates in the dialogue, using both verbal and non-verbal techniques to support the conversation and demonstrate to the speaker that their opinion is valued.

1.Strengthening relationships
Active listening plays a crucial role in relationships between parents and children, as well as between partners. When we listen with attention and interest, it creates an atmosphere of trust. People, especially children, feel heard and understood, which strengthens the emotional bond.

2.Understanding needs
Active listening helps to comprehend the words of the speaker and detect underlying feelings, experiences, and needs. This is especially important in parenting, where children may not always directly express their emotions.

3.Conflict resolution and misunderstandings
One of the causes of conflicts and misunderstandings is a lack of attention during communication. Without active listening, it's easy to miss the point, leading to misinterpretations. When we truly listen, we reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings.

1.Confirmation and paraphrasing
When the speaker shares their emotions, it’s important to confirm that you understand them. For example, you can say: "Are you saying that...?" or "I understand that this is important to you." This shows that you are actively engaged in the conversation.

2.Non-verbal signals
Non-verbal cues play an important role in active listening, such as maintaining eye contact, nodding, having an open posture, and paying attention to the speaker’s intonation. These signs convey that you are interested and ready to listen.

3.Asking questions
Open-ended questions are a way to deepen the conversation. For example, "How did you feel when that happened?" or "What do you think about what I said?" These questions help reveal the speaker’s thoughts and deepen the dialogue.

4.Avoiding interruptions
This is one of the most difficult but essential aspects of active listening. Often, we feel the urge to immediately interject or offer advice, but it’s important to give the speaker time to express themselves fully.

5.Empathy
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It’s important to not only understand what the person is saying but also to feel their emotions. For example, if a child is upset, it’s crucial to hear and feel their feelings and respond with care and support.

In relationships with children, active listening helps understand their feelings and build trust. When parents offer advice and deeply engage with their children's experiences, it allows them to address problems and strengthen their bond. By listening attentively and empathetically, parents can validate their children's emotions, making them feel heard and supported, which in turn encourages open communication. This practice not only helps in resolving issues but also fosters a secure emotional environment where children feel safe to express themselves.

• Emotional safety

When a child feels heard and understood, it creates a sense of safety and support. This helps them open up, share their feelings and problems, and not close themselves off. The sense that their emotions and thoughts matter fosters confidence and self-respect.

• Reduction of stress and anxiety

Sometimes children cannot clearly articulate their feelings, but they can express them through behavior—being moody, becoming aggressive, or withdrawing. When parents actively listen, notice these changes, and respond appropriately, it helps reduce the child's stress and anxiety, as they feel their emotions are understood and accepted.

• Development of emotional intelligence

Active listening helps children develop the ability to recognize and express their emotions. When parents ask questions and help the child talk about their feelings, it improves emotional literacy. This, in turn, helps children become more aware of their emotions and teaches them how to manage them effectively.

Young children, especially in the early stages of development, may not have the words to express their emotions. In these moments, their behavior becomes the primary indicator of what they are feeling. It's important to learn how to "read" these signs and respond appropriately.

• Tantrums and aggression: These can be signs that the child feels misunderstood, scared, or frustrated.
• Withdrawal and silence: This may indicate anxiety, loneliness, or dissatisfaction.
• Increased activity or hyperactivity: These behaviors may reflect anxiety or emotional overwhelm.
• Crying or tantrums: Often, these are expressions of intense stress or frustration that the child cannot verbalize.

In these situations, active listening means paying close attention to the child’s behavior, trying to understand what’s behind it, and giving them the opportunity to express their feelings. This approach helps the child feel heard and supported.

Imagine your child comes home from school upset because his classmates didn't invite him to join their game. He's feeling upset but can't quite explain what’s bothering him. Instead of saying, "Don’t worry, everything will be fine," try using active listening:

1. Sit down next to him, make eye contact, and say: “I can see you’re upset. Can you tell me what happened?”
2. If your child continues to express frustration, paraphrase his feelings: “It sounds like you feel left out of the game, and that made you upset?”
3. Then, if the child is ready to talk more, ask an open-ended question: “What do you think made them act like that?”
4. Help your child process his emotions and offer a solution: “What would you like us to do so you can feel more confident next time in a situation like this?”

This approach shows that you're fully engaged, offering emotional support, and encouraging problem-solving.

Active listening in relationships with a partner. In relationships with a spouse or partner, active listening plays a very important role. Sometimes we encounter situations where it seems that each of us is talking about our own thing but not really hearing each other. This can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional distance. However, active listening helps avoid these issues and significantly strengthens the emotional connection between partners.

• Strengthening emotional connection

When a partner actively listens, it shows that the feelings and concerns of the other person are important to them. This creates an atmosphere of support and trust, which is essential for healthy and harmonious relationships. Active listening helps partners understand each other on a deep level.

• Conflict resolution

In many relationships, conflicts arise because each partner tries to express their point of view without truly hearing the other person’s needs. Active listening helps avoid this trap. When both partners focus on understanding each other, they can find more constructive solutions without resorting to blame or aggression.

• Understanding each other’s needs

Often, people cannot directly express their needs or feelings, and they show up through behavior or indirect signals. Active listening allows a partner to understand hidden emotions and needs. This leads to deeper mutual understanding and helps prevent dissatisfaction that can arise when these needs go unnoticed.

• Eliminating communication barriers

When we actively listen, we are not just waiting for our turn to speak. This helps eliminate the habit of interrupting or immediately giving advice, which can make someone feel undervalued. Active listening creates space for open and honest conversations, significantly reducing the likelihood of communication barriers.

• Practice and attention

Active listening is a skill that takes time to develop. Start with simple conversations where you can focus entirely on your partner. Listen to their words, tone, pauses, and facial expressions. Pay attention to every aspect of the conversation to understand your partner’s emotions, not just repeat information.

• Don’t rush to respond

One of the main issues in communication is that many of us rush to respond without fully hearing the other person. Active listening requires patience. Give your partner the time to express everything they want to say. Even if you think you already understand the point, it’s important to allow them to finish their thought. This shows respect.

• Use paraphrasing and clarifying questions

To ensure you understand correctly, try paraphrasing your partner’s words or ask clarifying questions. For example, “Do you mean that you’re upset because I didn’t pay attention to your request?” or “Just to clarify, you want me to help more with the household chores?” These questions help clarify intentions and feelings, preventing misinterpretation.

• Be empathetic

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to understand their feelings. Your partner may be going through something important to them, even if it seems insignificant to you. By showing empathy, you listen and feel what your partner is experiencing. This creates a deeper emotional connection and allows you to understand why they feel a certain way.

• Ask for feedback

Sometimes, it’s hard to know how well we’re listening, and we might not realize that we missed important points. Ask your partner for feedback: “Do you feel like I understood you?” or “What could I do to better support you?” This will help you recognize areas for improvement and show your partner that you truly care about their perspective.

• Listen with an open heart, without judgment

It’s important to avoid judgment or evaluative comments while your partner is speaking. Even if you don’t agree with their point of view, try to understand the feelings behind their words. Criticism or judgment can be saved for later, once you’ve had the chance to better understand the reasons behind your partner’s behavior. It’s essential for your partner to know that they can share anything with you without fear of being judged.

• Give space for pauses

Sometimes, in a conversation, it’s important not to rush to respond, but rather to remain silent and give time for reflection. Pauses in conversation can be a vital part of active listening because they allow your partner to process their thoughts and emotions and express their feelings more fully.

Imagine your partner comes home and complains that their day at work was stressful and frustrating. Instead of immediately offering a solution, like "Why don't you talk to your boss?" or "Just forget about it," try using active listening:

1. Listen without interrupting: Give your partner the space to share their thoughts and emotions.
2. Paraphrase their words: "It sounds like you feel your boss didn’t appreciate your work, and that really upset you?"
3. Ask an open-ended question: "What do you think could help you feel better in this situation?"
4. Show empathy: "I can understand how tough that must have been. That really sounds frustrating."

This approach shows your partner that their feelings and experiences matter to you and that you're ready to listen rather than just offer advice.