Parents with two or more children surely know what childhood competition is like. It can manifest in various ways: from disputes over toys to open hostility. But where does it come from, and can it be avoided? Let’s break it down.
What is childhood competition?
Childhood competition is rivalry between children in the family. It can arise for various reasons:
- Different amounts of attention: When one child receives more attention than another, it can lead to jealousy and a desire for more attention.
- Different punishments: If children are punished differently for the same misdeed, it can cause discontent and competition for “better” treatment from parents.
- Different responsibilities: When children are given different responsibilities, for example, one child has to pick up toys while another doesn’t, it can create a sense of unfairness and encourage competition.
- Different gifts: If children are given different gifts, it can create a sense of inequality and make them compete for the best present.
There can be many reasons, and most of them are quite logical.
It is important to understand that some factors causing competition are inevitable. For example, the older child will always be older than the younger one, and they may have different interests and needs. However, it’s possible to create conditions where these factors don’t create tension. The key principle is to create an atmosphere of love, care, and equality for all children.
When our second child, Lisa, was born, so that our older son, Mitya, wouldn’t feel neglected, we immediately agreed with Anya on the following: Whenever Mitya wanted to be held or needed Mom’s attention (if Lisa was in Mom’s arms), she would hand Lisa to me and take Mitya in her arms.
To avoid competition, we tried to give equal attention to both children. This helped Mitya adjust to the arrival of a new family member and avoid negative emotions.
A child should not feel that their need for love, tenderness, and attention will not be met with the arrival of a second child.
It is important to understand that some factors causing competition are inevitable. For example, the older child will always be older than the younger one, and they may have different interests and needs. However, it’s possible to create conditions where these factors don’t create tension. The key principle is to create an atmosphere of love, care, and equality for all children.
When our second child, Lisa, was born, so that our older son, Mitya, wouldn’t feel neglected, we immediately agreed with Anya on the following: Whenever Mitya wanted to be held or needed Mom’s attention (if Lisa was in Mom’s arms), she would hand Lisa to me and take Mitya in her arms.
To avoid competition, we tried to give equal attention to both children. This helped Mitya adjust to the arrival of a new family member and avoid negative emotions.
A child should not feel that their need for love, tenderness, and attention will not be met with the arrival of a second child.
The development of events is quite obvious:
Over time, the older child begins to see the younger one as a new person who needs to be loved and protected. The older child may show care by helping the parents — handing over toys, comforting the younger sibling — which is the first step towards love.
Arguments and conflicts are inevitable, but it’s important that they don’t escalate into real hostility. Don’t worry if children argue. It’s normal because they have different interests and needs. It’s crucial that parents know how to resolve conflicts properly, without comparing children, which only adds fuel to the fire. Each child will have their own interests, space, and friends.
Arguments and conflicts are inevitable, but it’s important that they don’t escalate into real hostility. Don’t worry if children argue. It’s normal because they have different interests and needs. It’s crucial that parents know how to resolve conflicts properly, without comparing children, which only adds fuel to the fire. Each child will have their own interests, space, and friends.
What should be done to reduce or eliminate rivalry?
1.Avoid comparisons. Don’t say that one child is smarter or more beautiful than the other. This can lead to one child feeling inferior and the other having an inflated sense of self-worth. Instead, emphasize each child’s individual characteristics and talents.
2.Give each child individual time. It’s important to spend one-on-one time with each child so they feel special and valued. During this time, talk to them, show interest in their life, ask their opinion so they feel heard. Give them QUALITY attention!
3.Resolve conflicts properly. When children argue, explain why their behavior is unacceptable, what they need to do to fix the situation, and how important it is to forgive each other. Remember, the family is a team, and everyone should support one another.
2.Give each child individual time. It’s important to spend one-on-one time with each child so they feel special and valued. During this time, talk to them, show interest in their life, ask their opinion so they feel heard. Give them QUALITY attention!
3.Resolve conflicts properly. When children argue, explain why their behavior is unacceptable, what they need to do to fix the situation, and how important it is to forgive each other. Remember, the family is a team, and everyone should support one another.
Love for each child should be equal. Don’t be afraid of competition, but it’s important to control it. Children are not competitors, but members of the same family who should help and support each other.
By following these rules, you will create an atmosphere of love, harmony, and mutual understanding in your family, where your children will grow up happy and successful individuals.
By following these rules, you will create an atmosphere of love, harmony, and mutual understanding in your family, where your children will grow up happy and successful individuals.