HOW A DAD CAN BECOME A FATHER: 5 STEPS TO ENGAGED PARENTING

"I love my kids, I take care of them, I work hard to provide for them. But why do they still run to their mom first? Why don’t we have the same closeness?"

Many fathers ask themselves this question. In today’s world, fatherhood has taken on a new meaning—it’s no longer just about being a provider. Being a truly engaged father means actively participating in your child’s life and forming a deep emotional connection.
But where do you start? How do you strengthen your bond with your child if it hasn’t been strong before? How can you become not just a dad but a meaningful figure in your child’s life?
In this article, we’ll explore five practical steps to help you build a solid emotional connection with your child.

STEP 1. REALIZE THAT JUST BEING PRESENT IS NOT ENOUGH

Being home doesn’t mean being with your kids. Many fathers believe that simply being around is enough, but then they notice that their children don’t turn to them first when they need comfort, advice, or just someone to share their day with.
The reason? Children are incredibly perceptive when it comes to attention. They instinctively know when their father is truly engaged and when he is just physically present but mentally absent.
So how do you change this? Start with conscious participation.
Instead of passively watching your child play, join in. Instead of the standard “How was school?”, ask a more engaging question. Instead of watching a cartoon together in silence, discuss what’s happening on the screen.
Being a father is not about being nearby—it’s about being involved.

STEP 2. LEARN TO SPEAK YOUR CHILD’S LANGUAGE

One of the reasons children often gravitate toward their mothers is that women naturally engage in emotional communication. Fathers, on the other hand, tend to use a more rational approach: question → answer → information.
But kids don’t communicate like that. Their world is built on emotions, images, and associations. If you want to strengthen your bond with your child, you need to change the way you communicate.
Here are a few easy techniques you can start using today:

Instead of “How was your day?”, ask “If your day were a color, what would it be?”
Instead of “What happened at school?”, try “Tell me three funny things that happened today.”
Instead of “Did you eat?”, ask “If your lunch were a superhero, what powers would it have?”

This approach may seem playful, but it works. When a father speaks a language that resonates with his child, communication naturally becomes more open and engaging.

STEP 3. CLAIM YOUR SPACE IN THE FAMILY

In many families, there’s an unspoken division of roles: mom is the primary caregiver, dad is the backup. Over time, this makes children see their father as a secondary figure in their lives.
To change this, a father must create his own special rituals—moments that are uniquely his and his child’s.
Some great examples include:

“Dad’s Dinners” – every Saturday, dad and the kids cook something fun together.
“Bedtime Stories with Dad” – dad is always the one to tell stories before sleep.
“Morning Routine” – dad is in charge of getting the kids ready for school.
“Sunday Adventures” – every Sunday morning starts with a walk, bike ride, or outdoor playtime.

By introducing these routines, a father becomes an irreplaceable part of his child’s life.

STEP 4. FOLLOW THE 15-MINUTE RULE

Many parents complain that they don’t have enough time for their children. Work, stress, and daily obligations often create the illusion that there’s simply no energy left for parenting.
But the truth is, children don’t need hours of your time. What they need is quality, focused attention.
The 15-minute rule is simple: dedicate at least 15 minutes a day to your child without distractions.
This could be:

Playing a board game together.
Drawing or building something.
Talking before bed without phones or screens.
Cooking a meal together.

The key is 100% engagement—no checking emails, no scrolling through the news, no multitasking.
Fifteen minutes is just 1% of your day, but that small effort builds a foundation of trust and closeness that lasts a lifetime.

STEP 5. BE A REAL FATHER, NOT A PERFECT ONE

Many men worry that they’re not doing a good enough job as a father. They question whether they’re raising their kids correctly, providing enough, or making the right decisions.
But here’s the truth: children don’t need a perfect father—they need a real one.

A father who makes mistakes but owns up to them.
A father who doesn’t have all the answers but is willing to find them together.
A father who gets tired but is honest about it instead of withdrawing.
A father who gives hugs first—even when his child misbehaves.

Kids don’t learn from flawless role models; they learn from real human interactions.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Becoming an engaged father doesn’t mean overhauling your entire life. It means making a conscious choice to:

Give your child your full attention.
Speak their language.
Create meaningful traditions.
Dedicate focused time each day.
Show up as a real, emotionally present father.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Pick just one step from this list and try it today.