USEFUL ARTICLES ON PARENTING AND CHILD REARING
2024-11-26 14:40

PARENTING WITHOUT SACRIFICE: HOW TO BALANCE PERSONAL LIFE, RAISING CHILDREN, AND SELF-REALIZATION

Today, I want to share an important topic that concerns many parents: how to balance personal life, parenting, and self-realization without sacrificing oneself. We often hear that parents should give up their own interests for the sake of their children. But I am convinced that this is not true.

Parenting is not a sacrifice; it is an opportunity to become better, learn a lot, and enjoy life.

FAMILY.

Task:

Write: What is family in your understanding?

Different cultures have different understandings of what family is. In some places, it is common to have many wives, in others, there is patriarchy, and in others, matriarchy. Regardless of the culture, certain moments have formed within families that held people together, such as shared daily life.

In the modern world, many things have changed, and many of those moments no longer keep people together. For example, in the past, women took care of household matters and raised children, while men left for work early in the morning and returned late, and in the evening, the family spent time together, such as watching TV (remember when TV schedules were printed in newspapers?).

Now, these moments are changing due to technology and the new way of life. For example, COVID was the cause of a sharp shift. And in the modern world, ordering ready-made food replaces cooking, and working from home changes the concept of the "breadwinner" of the family. Women have gained freedom, they can be more independent, work on their own, and fully provide for the family with everything needed.

If these things are not rethought, families will fall apart.

When we are born, our parents give us instructions on how to live: when to start a family, who is the head of the household, what career to pursue, who to be friends with, and much more. But these instructions belong to an old world, a world that has already changed. And we need to change too; we need to create our own new instructions. We must rethink how the world lives now and what new data we need, changing our attitudes toward different things.

Task:

Write:
  1. What brought your parents together and kept them united?
  2. Think about what unites your family now.
The factors that unite people change along with the world. Being consciously aware of these changes helps build strong and harmonious relationships. If there are different cultural values within the family, it’s important to openly discuss them and find common ground—this is the foundation of mutual understanding and happiness.

THE SYSTEM OF BELIEFS

The parents' system of beliefs is the foundation upon which children's upbringing is built. It includes our convictions, habits, reactions to life situations, and approaches to problem-solving. How we interpret events, make decisions, and communicate with our children largely determines their development.

It is a set of beliefs that guides us through life. In parenting, it manifests in how parents evaluate their children's actions, respond to mistakes, and set boundaries. It’s important not to blindly follow tools (rules or templates) but to understand your values and approaches first, and only then seek the tools that will help you.

It is important to pay attention not only to parenting methods but also to the mindset that underpins them. After all, even the most effective tool is useless if it contradicts our beliefs.

In the past: "Children need to be punished with a belt to raise a 'normal' person."
Today: We understand that violence destroys trust and leads to psychological issues.
Parents need to rethink their beliefs based on old models in order to be closer to their children and help them adapt to the rapidly changing world.

Task:

Recall a parenting belief from your childhood:
  • Why was it important back then?
  • How can it be interpreted today?

Answer the questions:
  • What are your values that form the basis of your parenting?
  • What tools will help you implement them?

Understanding values and recognizing changes in the world allows for flexible approaches to parenting.

THE IDEAL PARENTING MODEL

Parenting a child is an art that requires wisdom, flexibility, and a willingness to compromise from parents.
Successful parenting is based on a fair and respectful attitude towards children, where tenderness is combined with strictness, and demands are balanced with support.

The role of a father in the ideal model:

A father plays a key role in upbringing by setting rules and demonstrating fairness and responsibility. However, his task is not authoritarian control, but supporting the family, protecting its values, and teaching children to cope with life's challenges.

Key qualities of a father:
  • Fairness without tyranny
  • A father establishes rules not out of a desire for power, but to protect the family. These rules should be clear and justified.
  • Acknowledging mistakes
  • A father is not afraid to admit his mistakes to the family. This teaches children to be honest and open.
  • Balance of strictness and tenderness
  • He should be both tender and demanding. Giving love and affection while staying true to his principles.

The father pursues his own agenda: there is no need for power over the family, but rather to protect, preserve, and teach.

Today, the father's role is becoming less noticeable, and this can affect the upbringing of children.

  • The father often finds himself in a state of struggle — with other fathers, with the children, with his wife. This competition creates tension and prevents building trusting relationships.
  • Modern culture imposes the "armor of authority." If the father loses this authority, he risks losing the connection with the family and becoming just the "old man."

The role of the father is not only about upbringing, but also about preparing the child for real-life challenges.

The role of the mother in the ideal model:

The mother brings more flexibility and emotional warmth to parenting. Her task is to support the child and give them the opportunity to show independence.

Key qualities of a mother:
1.Unconditional Love
The mother loves the child simply for who they are. Her love is not dependent on their achievements or successes.

2.The Ability to Let Go
The mother helps the child follow their own path, offers advice, but allows them to make their own choices.

The mother loves unconditionally. She gives wise advice, but the child must walk their own path.

What to do if the father is absent?

In the absence of a father, other adult figures can take on his role, such as a sports coach, mentor, or teacher. It is important that the child feels there is someone in their life who can guide, support, and serve as a role model.

Task:

Answer the questions:
  • How do you express the roles of father/mother in your family?
  • Think about what you could add to your parenting.

The ideal parenting model is not about striving for perfection, but about conscious balance. Love and strictness, softness and demands — all of these should be present in a child's life in the right proportion. After all, the goal of parents is not to dominate their children, but to help them grow into independent and happy individuals.

FAMILY VALUES

Family values are the inner "compass" that guides all family members. Sincerity, care, faith, and love are key elements of a happy and strong family.

Honesty

Honesty helps build trust, which becomes the foundation of strong relationships between parents and children. Honest parents teach their children to tell the truth without fear of punishment or judgment.

We are drawn to honest and open people because it is easier to build trusting relationships with them. Sincerity turns family members into friends, and openness helps avoid misunderstandings.

Honesty is the best strategy. It generates trust, and trust is the same as love.

Faith

Faith is not only a spiritual belief but also the ability to see potential in oneself and others. Faith in a child helps them feel valued and confident in their abilities. When parents believe in their child's potential, they teach them to believe in themselves. Self-belief is the starting point for any major success. It helps overcome challenges and keep moving forward.

A parent who doubts their child’s abilities can undermine their confidence. For example, the phrase: "You will never be a basketball player, no one in our family is tall" destroys faith in oneself and one's dreams.

Care

Care is active participation in the lives of loved ones. It shows in small gestures: being willing to listen, help, or simply be there. Care instills in a child the confidence that they can always turn to someone for help. Through care, parents teach children an important skill — to care for others and take risks.

Love

Love in the family is shown through actions, not just words. It requires effort: being attentive, finding time for joint activities, listening to each other. Love is not about material things (toys, gadgets), but about the efforts we invest in relationships. True love teaches children to value closeness with people, not things.

It’s important to understand that we can love, but we cannot demand or expect others to love us in return. We can only show children what love is through our own example.

Family values are the foundation that supports relationships even in the toughest times. Honesty, faith, care, and love create an environment where children grow up confident, happy, and ready to share warmth with the world around them. Parents who live in harmony with these values become their children's primary mentors and role models.

Task:

  • Write about the values that were important in your family during your childhood.
  • Which of these values would you like to preserve and pass on to your children?
  • Discuss with your family what unites each of you and makes you stronger. This will help form a shared understanding of family values.

BALANCE OF THE "PARENT" AND "I" ROLES

Parents often face the dilemma of how to balance the role of a caring parent and personal interests without feeling guilty. Let’s now explore why it’s important to maintain your individuality and how this affects family harmony. When parents sacrifice everything for their children, they risk losing themselves. This can lead to emotional burnout, frustration, and dissatisfaction. Moreover, children learn from their parents by copying their behavior. If you maintain your interests and show that personal happiness matters, children absorb this approach.

You cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself.

How to find balance?

1.Set Boundaries
The role of a parent should not consume you completely. Remind yourself that you are an individual, not just a mom or dad. Setting boundaries helps you allocate time for your own needs.
Tip: Clearly designate time for yourself and explain this to your family. For example, say, "I need 30 minutes to rest. After that, I'll be able to play with you."

2.Prioritize
Determine what is important to you as an individual. It could be your career, hobbies, reading a book, or just taking time to rest. Prioritizing helps you understand where to direct your energy.
Example: If reading brings you joy, find time for a book, even if it's just 15 minutes before waking the kids for school.

3.Small Steps Toward Self-Realization
Activities that bring you joy can be small, but they are important. Start with small things: meditation, drawing, a walk, or having morning coffee alone.

4.Time for Recovery
Every parent needs to find time for rest. This could be a walk, meditation, or simply time in silence. Just 15 minutes a day can recharge you.
Tip: Try to schedule rest as a non-negotiable part of your routine.

Task:

Write:
  • How do you find time for yourself, even on the busiest days?
  • How do you dedicate 15 minutes a day to yourself?

Many parents feel guilty when they take time for themselves. But it’s important to remember: parents' happiness directly impacts children’s happiness. If you are emotionally drained, you won't be able to effectively care for your loved ones.

Children learn from their parents. If you show that it’s important to take time for yourself, they will adopt this mindset.

Every stage of a child's development is a new experience. It’s important to enjoy the parenting process, rather than seeing it as a duty.

Task:

Write:
What was the most amazing or joyful experience you had with your children in the past month?
The balance between the role of a parent and your individuality is not a luxury, but a necessity for a happy and harmonious life. Remember: children learn from you by observing how you care for yourself. Parenting is an exciting adventure, not a sacrifice. To raise happy children, you must be happy yourself.