USEFUL ARTICLES ON PARENTING AND CHILD REARING
2025-03-20 11:55

HOW TO AVOID CHILDREN’S TANTRUMS AND WHIMS IN THE STORE?

You’ve probably seen this before. Or maybe even experienced it yourself. A small child stands in the middle of a store, crying loudly. A red face, tears, stomping feet. The adult nearby is trying to explain, persuade, threaten, or simply looks desperate.

What is this? A tantrum? A whim? Where does it come from?

Understanding the Terms

A child’s tantrum is not just a way to manipulate parents. It’s a cry for help. It means that their nervous system is overwhelmed, and they haven’t yet learned how to handle emotions. Whims, on the other hand, are more conscious behavior, when a child tests boundaries and tries to get their way.
Here’s the important part: tantrums are normal. They happen to all children, especially before the age of 4–5, simply because their brains are still learning emotional regulation. The challenge is that, for us as adults, handling them can be tough.
But is it possible to avoid these scenes in a store? Let’s find out.

How to Prevent a Tantrum?

  1. Make Sure Your Child Is Fed and Rested. It sounds simple, but a tired and hungry child is almost guaranteed to have a meltdown. Stores, with their bright displays and endless choices, are stressful even for adults—imagine what it’s like for a little one! Before heading out, make sure your child has eaten and is well-rested.
  2. Give Your Child a Task. Children need to feel involved. Let them be your helper! “You’re in charge of picking out apples today! We need five.” Or: “Choose which pasta we should buy—this one or this one?” This reduces anxiety and shifts their focus from “I want” to “I can help.”
  3. Discuss the Rules in Advance. Before entering the store, calmly say, “We are only buying what’s on the list. No toys today.” It’s important to speak without threats: “If you misbehave, we’re leaving immediately!”—this doesn’t work. Instead, try clear reasoning: “If you want something extra, tell me, and we’ll decide together.”
  4. Allow Them to Want Things. Sometimes, a child just needs their desire to be acknowledged. Instead of “No way, I’m not buying this!” try: “Wow, that’s a really cool toy! Yes, it does look awesome.” Recognizing their feelings reduces frustration.
  5. Teach Delayed Gratification. A great trick is keeping a “wish list.” Have a special notebook or a note in your phone where you write down: “You really want this doll, right? Let’s add it to your birthday list.” This gives the child a sense of control.
  6. Be a Model of Calmness. Kids mirror us. If you get stressed, irritated, or frustrated in a store, your child picks up on it. Try to see shopping as an adventure rather than a stressful chore.

What If a Tantrum Has Already Started?

  1. Don’t Shame Them. Saying “You should be ashamed! Everyone is watching!” only increases stress. For a child, in that moment, “everyone” doesn’t exist—only their overwhelming emotions.
  2. Stay Calm and Let Them Know You’re There. “I see this is really hard for you. I’m here. When you’re ready, we can talk.” At that moment, they don’t need a lecture, they need your support.
  3. Remove Them from the Overwhelming Environment. If the tantrum doesn’t stop, it’s best to leave the store, find a quiet place, and wait for their emotions to settle. Then you can discuss: “What happened? How did you feel?”
  4. Don’t Get Into a Power Struggle. If you start explaining why they don’t need the candy or that the toy is too expensive, the argument will escalate into a battle. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply hug them and wait.

The Most Important Thing to Remember

Tantrums in the store aren’t about being naughty. They’re about tiredness, overstimulation, and the need to feel heard. The calmer we, as parents, are, the easier it is for a child to learn how to manage emotions. And one day, they’ll surprise you by saying: “Okay, we won’t buy a toy today—maybe next time.” And that will be your little victory.