As parents, we want our children to grow up confident, independent, and happy. We enroll them in the best activities, choose educational games, and send them to good schools. But sometimes, we forget the most important thing: for a child to develop fully, three fundamental needs must be met.
- They must know they are loved unconditionally.
- They must feel accepted for who they are.
- They must feel safe—both physically and emotionally.
Unconditional Love: "I Love You Just Because"
magine a boy coming home with a failing math grade. His mother meets him at the door, and the first thing she says is, "I'm so disappointed in you!" To the child, this sounds like, "I am only valuable when I succeed."
Now, picture the same boy coming home with the same grade, but this time, his mother hugs him and says, "You must be feeling upset. Let’s figure out how we can help you." He feels loved not for his achievements but simply for who he is.
Unconditional love means a child knows they are always important to their parents—even when they make mistakes. Even if they scribble on the walls with markers or spill flour all over the kitchen. It’s like solid ground beneath their feet—a steady foundation on which their personality can grow.
Now, picture the same boy coming home with the same grade, but this time, his mother hugs him and says, "You must be feeling upset. Let’s figure out how we can help you." He feels loved not for his achievements but simply for who he is.
Unconditional love means a child knows they are always important to their parents—even when they make mistakes. Even if they scribble on the walls with markers or spill flour all over the kitchen. It’s like solid ground beneath their feet—a steady foundation on which their personality can grow.
Acceptance: "You are you, and that’s wonderful"
One day, a girl named Sonya was sitting at the family table and dreamily said, "I want to be an artist!" But her father sternly replied, "That's not a profession. You should be a lawyer, like your mother."
A child whose dreams and feelings are constantly dismissed starts to think, "I’m not accepted for who I am. I need to adapt." Over time, they lose connection with themselves and stop trusting their own desires.
Acceptance is when parents see their child, hear them, and support them—even when their choices don’t align with the parents' own views. This doesn’t mean the child shouldn’t follow rules, but it means their character, temperament, dreams, and emotions have the right to exist.
A child whose dreams and feelings are constantly dismissed starts to think, "I’m not accepted for who I am. I need to adapt." Over time, they lose connection with themselves and stop trusting their own desires.
Acceptance is when parents see their child, hear them, and support them—even when their choices don’t align with the parents' own views. This doesn’t mean the child shouldn’t follow rules, but it means their character, temperament, dreams, and emotions have the right to exist.
Safety: "I can relax, I will be protected"
The world is a vast and unpredictable place. When a child feels they have a reliable support system, they become confident and curious.
But imagine a different situation. The parents are constantly worried: "Don’t run – you’ll fall!" "Don’t talk to strangers – you might get kidnapped!" "Don’t try something new – what if you fail!"
What does the child feel in this moment? The world is dangerous, people are unfriendly, and mistakes are unacceptable. They grow up in fear and insecurity.
Safety is both about physical protection and the calm atmosphere in the home. When parents manage their anxiety, don’t shout, and don’t scare their child with their own fears, the child learns to trust the world.
But imagine a different situation. The parents are constantly worried: "Don’t run – you’ll fall!" "Don’t talk to strangers – you might get kidnapped!" "Don’t try something new – what if you fail!"
What does the child feel in this moment? The world is dangerous, people are unfriendly, and mistakes are unacceptable. They grow up in fear and insecurity.
Safety is both about physical protection and the calm atmosphere in the home. When parents manage their anxiety, don’t shout, and don’t scare their child with their own fears, the child learns to trust the world.
When the three needs are met...
A child who knows they are loved unconditionally, accepted for who they are, and safe, grows up happy and confident. They are not afraid to make mistakes, they know how to build healthy relationships, and they believe in themselves.
And what else do we, as parents, need? To be that solid ground beneath their feet, the foundation from which they will one day soar.
And what else do we, as parents, need? To be that solid ground beneath their feet, the foundation from which they will one day soar.